If you didn’t already know, the Queensland government has banned Victorian clubs from travelling into the northern state to play games. With the AFL Round 5 fixture being thrown into disarray, the helpful hands here at The Rushed Behind decided to lend some assistance to Gillon and his friends in Docklands.
Instead of moving the Carlton and St Kilda clash to Thursday night and forcing Richmond and West Coast to play against different sides, we have five simple mouth-watering fixtures that would draw record-breaking television audiences throughout the weekend.
Friday night: Toby Greene v the Western Bulldogs
The Giants did already lose to the red, white and blue just a fortnight ago, but there was a missing element in the game.
It’s clear as day that GWS and the Bulldogs don’t like each other – ever since the 2016 Preliminary Final the two teams have squabbled like selfish kids on Christmas morning. The Giants went to the 2020 clash without their main troublemaker in schoolyard bully Toby Greene. Without his fly-kicks and abrasive taunting, the half time brawls lacked the extra passion and hatred that he generates when grabbing a Bulldogs jumper and engaging.
For the sake of all footy fans starved of some old-fashion fire, let Greene have his time in the sun (or at the bottom of a wrestling scrum).
Saturday afternoon: The 2014 Hawks v the 2003 Lions
If Toby Greene v the Bulldogs was a fixture for the violent-minded, this match will be for the footy nerds who pour over statistics and can recite Norm Smith Medallists alongside their times tables.
The debate over who was the best team in the modern AFL era can finally be tucked into bed when Luke Hodge runs out ahead of a Hawthorn side who were in the midst of destroying a favoured Sydney in the 2014 Grand Final. It would be an intense battle against the 2003 Lions, who had just stormed to a three-peat after demolishing the fancied Pies. Just picture the match-ups – Voss v Mitchell. Black v Burgoyne. Lynch v Lake. It would be perfect for a Saturday afternoon time slot – one for the purists.
Saturday twilight: Kevin Bartlett v modern football
This promises to be a spicy Saturday twilight encounter.
Kevin Bartlett clearly doesn’t like the way the game is currently played. He’s been quite vocal for an old legend of the VFL/ AFL. Now, he gets to realise his dream when he takes on the modern tactics of the competition.
Bartlett’s gut-running will threaten many half-backs who will try to corral him over the boundary line, only for the Richmond legend to keep the ball alive and slot miraculous goals. But TRB senses Bartlett may spit the dummy when the opposition gets the ball and begins chipping the Sherrin around the back line to tire him out. He may not be a fan of the 18 man press that will charge on him before he can weave his magic. But it’ll be fun to watch him work it out.
Saturday night: Andrew Symonds v Helen d’Amico
I know what you’re thinking – why is a former Australian cricketer coming up against a random lady?
There’s more to it than you’d expect. The lovely Helen d’Amico was the infamous woman who streaked across the MCG during the 1982 Grand Final. The American graced the field entirely naked except for a Carlton scarf and giggle her way off the field.
Andrew Symonds should provide a stern Saturday night wake-up call – if you haven’t seen how he treats streakers while batting, you’re in for a treat. With d’Amico strutting her stuff around at full pace, she may prove too nimble for Symonds. But if she makes one small mistake, the burly cricketer will make her pay with the fierce rebound of his shoulder. One other concern for d’Amico is the much heftier fine that lays before her for streaking on the ‘G in 2020.
Sunday afternoon: Hugh Greenwood v Mark Ricciuto
Former Adelaide Crow legend and current Director of Football Mark Ricciuto will be going to bed early on Saturday night to prepare diligently for his Sunday arvo Adelaide Oval bout against Hugh Greenwood.
Ricciuto didn’t mince words when criticising every player to leave the falling Crows in recent years after their disastrous 2017 Grand Final loss. But the Adelaide personality gave new-Sun Hugh Greenwood the toughest whipping before Greenwood pounced back.
When Greenwood’s Gold Coast smacked the Crows just weeks ago, the ex-Crow was quick to remind Ricciuto that his services would’ve been handy down in South Australia. Ricciuto refused to play nice, meaning the physical tussles will be breaking out constantly on Sunday afternoon footy. Greenwood may squeak home by playing the ball more than Ricciuto – the question lies with whether Ricciuto can back up his extravagant talk.
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