The siren sounds, the season is moments away.
Not only is this the first AFL match for 2018, it’s the first game at Optus Stadium.
The state of the art LED lights show is stunning, adding to the anticipation, and the ground looks brilliant.
This is the first time we’ve seen Nic Naitanui since 2016, but the Port Adelaide players, hell-bent on revenge for the epic elimination final last year, barely notice him.
Of course it’s not the exact same 22 players, as the footy world watches with intrigue to see the effect of their high-profile recruits.
Or maybe the Crows’ fans watch the flag ceremony, minutes before the Grand Final rematch kicks off the season.
Or maybe the two biggest premiership fancies, Sydney and Greater Western Sydney, showcase their blossoming rivalry in the national spotlight.
There were some great ways this season could have begun, but unfortunately, none of these were possible, because Carlton and Richmond have somehow managed to secure eternal dibs of the first game of the season.
Yes, since 2008, when this bogus tradition began, Carlton and Richmond have drawn far bigger crowds than Melbourne vs St Kilda (the first game of 2007) drew.
But round one of 2007 was promoted as a season launch round, rather than one game, almost as if the AFL didn’t belong to two of the oldest, most powerful teams and instead wanted to include everyone – ridiculous, I know.
Carlton and Richmond still played, drawing a “paltry” 59,000 on the Sunday, and in total round one 2007 drew 361,000 fans, while round one 2018 managed 375,000, taking into account a one game discrepancy, given two extra teams exist in 2018.
So a Tigers vs Blues season opener doesn’t even help ticket sales as much as their fans say.
It’s clear that despite an egalitarian stance, the AFL gives a wealth of opportunity to the clubs who least need it.
The biggest matches on the footy calendar are Anzac Day, the Season Opener, Dreamtime at the G, Anzac Day Eve, the Queen’s Birthday/Big Freeze match, and every Carlton vs Collingwood game.
Guess what? They’re shared among five clubs.
I omit Easter Monday because it is a rivalry built on the strength of the football it produced, with timeless classics a dime a dozen between Hawthorn and Geelong; they have earned that match.
I have been to a few Anzac Day matches, and love them, and the same goes for the Dreamtime matches.
Anzac Day eve, however, is a tradition that reeks of insincerity.
We have for a long time honoured the ANZACs appropriately, on the 25th of April.
But then someone came along and said, “Gee, celebrating the ANZACs with one match is not enough. We need two matches! It’s just insulting giving them one game.”
Or else they saw a cash-grabbing opportunity, and stuck the Anzac sticker onto the game to get fans through the gates.
What would the difference be between a game before Anzac Day and a game after it?
Given the status quo, why should Brisbane and Fremantle not initiate a “Post Anzac Day celebration blockbuster”?
Would that be farcical and commercial, or do they just sit outside the privileged group of five clubs who can click their fingers and attract bumper crowds by giving the game an important-sounding label?
These are questions only the AFL could answer.
Melbourne were clever to switch the focus of their traditional match-up with Collingwood away from Her Majesty, and towards the Big Freeze initiative.
I don’t want to be a cynic; the Big Freeze is absolutely brilliant: a terribly worthwhile cause, and a truly special day, but why must it belong to Collingwood and Melbourne every year?
I argue it would raise more funds if it were shared evenly, because if it was your team’s first Big Freeze match in nine years it would be an occasion to attend at all costs.
Collingwood vs Carlton gets promoted endlessly because of a rivalry that mainly existed in 1970s Grand Finals.
So it was a fait accompli that two teams, whose last final each was in 2013, got a primetime slot recently.
Carlton have four Friday night games this year and Collingwood three, not counting all the Anzac Days and Big Freezes and Season Openers, so it was hard not to write this unengaging match off as favouritism of the old powerhouses.
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Most of these marquee games are club initiatives, but once they let the AFL shove them down the throats of the entire watching world, they lose ownership of the occasion and give it to the AFL, who should be able to schedule games at their own discretion.
What if one year, by sheer bad luck, neither Richmond nor Essendon had an indigenous player in their side?
What would that dreamtime match look like?
If it was a true celebration of indigenous contribution to AFL, maybe Lance Franklin, Cyril Rioli or Eddie Betts should get to play in it.
My point is that for these marquee games to be authentic, the importance of the occasion must supersede the childish argument of “well it was our idea so we should get to keep it”.
Otherwise they are exploiting communities – be it indigenous people, the ANZACs, or farmers (if Kevin Sheedy’s latest brainchild ever gains any momentum) – for the sake of ticket sales, which is despicable.
AFL is as great as it is because of the thousand quirky traditions that make it unique, but these quirks are things like the banners, the bounce, the inescapable sing-song “GET your FOOTY record FIVE dollars” before every match.
Quirky traditions are worth fighting for, but bogus traditions, or worse, commercial traditions, must be eradicated.
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